top of page
Search
Writer's pictureBecca Scotland
Jun 8, 20234 min read

Does help for Grooming Victims exist?

Updated: Jul 17, 2023

The one thing I noticed when I started researching for help is there isn't a lot of resources for grooming victims or sex trafficking victims. I could find a lot of stuff geared towards the parents of grooming victims or family of grooming victims and what to look out for if they suspected someone, they knew was being groomed but I couldn't find anything towards helping the victim. When I did find a blog, post or video they usually referred you to the usual 2 places the domestic violence hotline and the sexual assault hotline in the US. I will say that the UK is starting to have a few resources for victims now.


Both of these are great services when you are in the moment, but they aren't equipped to handle the full scope that grooming victims face. If you're like me, you didn't realize you were being groomed or a victim until you were well removed from the situation for a while and couldn't get rid of feelings or reactions that came from that experience no matter how much time had passed.


I first became a victim of grooming before grooming was known as anything other than taking care of yourself, trimming a beard, getting a haircut and making yourself presentable. After the experience I knew something wasn't right but when I tried talking to Dr's they didn't understand either and the response was to usually offer some kind of anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medicine.


I knew that these kinds of meds would just mask that there was a problem and not actually helped the situation. I had gone through life after being groomed already wearing a mask. I was constantly pretending like I was okay and that nothing had happened to me. I was ashamed of falling victim to someone who was 40 years older than me and I internalized that. Wearing this mask turned me into a people pleaser. I stopped doing things for me and was doing everything for the people in my life trying to find the acceptance and love that I couldn't give myself. The longer I wore the mask the more of myself I lost. I became extremely self-sufficient and refused to rely on anyone else for help.


Because of the lack of information and my own determination i tried tackling this subject the way I did everything else. Like a bull running through a China shop on a mission and hitting every topic I thought might help. It was through this research that I began to realize why information for us victims is lacking. Grooming is an extremely complex trauma and often includes multiple forms of abuse. It was during this time that I also realized that Groomers' are the ultimate level narcissist. Its also when I started an analogy comparing it to hardened criminals to help non victims understand the depth of the trauma.


For anyone looking to heal from grooming I highly suggest starting with Narcissistic abuse and building your extra pieces from there. A lot of groomers tend to be narcissist, so it makes sense, and this is an area there is now a lot of information on which makes things a lot easier now especially when it come to the layers of trauma bonding that often comes with both kinds of abuse.


I equate Narcissistic abuse to your basic pickpocket. They often work alone and find an easy time bouncing from supply to supply leaving the victims not knowing what actually happened. The next level is where most people who think of groomers think. This would be where Pimps and most sex traffickers fall and would be like your basic bank robbers. For this level you are usually adding in some skills and a small team of people. Both cases have a very specific skill set they have perfected. They know exactly who their victim profile is and have it down to a science how to catch their victims. This is where treating and healing from grooming begins to get complicated. When you get to this level different skills and tactic have been used and that can be very individual specific.


The highest level the professional groomer would be like your highly advanced cyber criminals. For this group the harder the challenge the more they want it. They usually have a highly advanced team in place and this can sometimes include your own family. This group finds a thrill in the conquest and the higher the stakes the bigger the thrill. For Grooming victims of this level sex or trafficking isn't always the end goal. It could be material possessions, money, your home or anything else the groomer has his eyes on. This is where the really advanced traumas happen and often leave the victim feeling so ashamed, they don't want help they are too embarrassed of what they felt the willingly did.


If you have fallen victim to this level of groomer it is important to know that the groomer used high level tactics on you and even though you felt like you were a willing participant, you were traumatized into these decisions. This could be achieved by holding shared secrets, gaslighting, and abuse. These tactics are meant to make you not try to get help for 2 reasons 1 it keeps you in victim mentality making you available for the groomer in the future and 2 if you do manage to get a clean break from your groomer it prevents you from reporting them and keeps them out of trouble.


If you are in immediate need of assistance, you can contact your local police.

Other resource available for immediate assistance

RAINN 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Human Trafficking Hotline: 888-373-7888

National Sexual Violence Resources Center: 877-739-3895


If you are looking for other survivors to talk to there are some Facebook groups that you can search. I have also recently been talking to a few people that are in the process of starting podcasts. I will update with a list as they become available.

Reddit has the following group that is great https://www.reddit.com/r/groomingvictim/

Life coaches or therapist are readily available just make sure you feel comfortable with whom you are working with.

hands held in a show of support





31 views0 comments

Comments

bottom of page